Why I hate benpeek

• He wipes his arse with the Koran (because the covers of ASIM are too glossy)
• He gutted my girlfriend and wore her as a suit, and I didn't find out until our second child
• He once rang up George Lucas and said "Do you what Star Wars really needs? Three prequels."
• He shot John Lennon
• He shot Michael Buble and missed
• Eight years ago he introduced John Howard to George Bush at the Midnight Shift
• He won't return my gimp mask
• He smokes the ashes of unborn foetuses in a joint and bogarts it
  
• Although he is a doctor, he refuses to look at this pain I get in my right knee
• The only Australian author he actively recommends to overseas editors is Di Morrissey
• And himself
• After Paris Hilton choked to death on his manhood, he resuscitated her
• He's "good mates" with Alan Jones
• who he resuscitated as well
• He's the only writer to be regularly published in Agog and Midget Amputee Weekly (where he writes the sports section)
• His doctorate only contains one noun
• and it's "cunt"
• And then he'll turn on the puppy dog eyes and the simpering expression and push down sharply on your prostate gland and expect you to promote his book

No. I will not play your game. Fuck you, Ben Peek.